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 IM RAW AS EVER MUTHAFKA'S!!!!!!!!

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Titan
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PostSubject: IM RAW AS EVER MUTHAFKA'S!!!!!!!!   Tue 11 Nov 2008, 7:56 am

Im the human cannon ball cant find a man of my caliber, my girl became obsessed because I sexually pounded her, fliped ova leg on my shoulder contently mounted her

My opponants went to buy camouflage to hide from me, the dumb fck's couldnt find it idiot's cant you see? I told em my rhyme book was ati-gravity, cuz I cant put it down whom shall challenge me.

You eagles soar untill you get sucked into jet engines, forgive me I fly high bawllllllling's my rythm, Im Jim Jones without the braids shades and bitchin.

Politicans and diapers should be even-changed reguraly for the same reasons, You transvestite's eat, drink, be Mary and steven

My enemies know Im dog they still remain my hydrant , Im the windsheild watching these bugs splattt surprizing
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Kris Kokain
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PostSubject: Re: IM RAW AS EVER MUTHAFKA'S!!!!!!!!   Tue 11 Nov 2008, 9:41 pm

well.. i think yer kinda gettin better.. still need to up yer game tho for sure..
.. and LOL at yer first line..
ant find a man of my caliber
^^thats cuz every1s above you...
..jk..

but to make yer line more complex you coulda said..

im a human cannon ball.. cant find a man at all my calibre.. << see the internal rhymes ... makes yer flow more complex.. but dnt force it.. or it'll make it worse..
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Madeye
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PostSubject: Re: IM RAW AS EVER MUTHAFKA'S!!!!!!!!   Tue 11 Nov 2008, 10:01 pm

...concepts're get'n complex - so... that there shows growth... nice werk.

the concepts your forming now are more solid, and I like all the
thought you've put into them... if you can get your concepts
out quicker - like have a seperate one for each line/bar... you'll be
throwin' combos while doing that. As for your punches imparticular...

your opening was sick, I liked that cannonball/caliber bit - that shit was
nice... I'm not kiddin'... I ain't seen that play the way you put it b4, so
I mean that. after that... your deliveries of your concepts were poorly
executed. This isn't saying that you don't got skill in thinkin' up shit - it just
means you gotta werk at expressing them in a more rugged, yet intellectual
manner. You've shown attention to vocab as well... nice.

That 'eagles into engines' bit was aiight, too... but, imo... you had the
opportunity to expand that a little and cram in to that bar [cleverly]
that your the engine... like playing in; you being the engine that they gut
sucked into. sometimes it takes a little to work out concepts...
so don't rush'em... just let your mind brainstorm about all relative elemants
or things. hatever you can associate with your concepts is a start to
forming some nice punches. I dunno if my personal explanations can help
you - cause I tend to overword shit... so just... practice-practice-practice.

our def~ improving some, though...

['1]One
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