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 Dear Rebecca.. **Keystyle**

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Kris Kokain
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PostSubject: Dear Rebecca.. **Keystyle**   Wed 12 Nov 2008, 9:15 am

kk, i key'd this up.. took a LONG ass time.. and plz be critical.. i havnt done anything like this in awhile.. and to be honest.. this was inspired by Titans drop about drugs n shit.. so hola..

Dear Rebecca..
Im writing you.. with feelings that you've lost yer way..
Lost today in unfamiliar surroundings.. across the way..
With your life tossed away.. you had such promise..
A beautiful person, A+ student who was always honest..
Your flowing brown hair.. with shimmers that make u stare..
With gorgous green eyes that make me relize you care..
Those perfect dimples.. yet simple N still angel like..
Smile brightens the room.. especially wen the angle right..
Your thinning jaw line.. almost the perfection of modesty..
N honestly.. i didnt think such beauty culd be worn properly..
The way you spoke.. like soaring ribbons of golden lace..
Such innocence.. seeing the good in a barren open place..
How your hands were small n dainty.. like a childs are..
N how you were always so respectfull.. yet such a wild card..
Such a lively spirit.. full of life like mother earth..
But under her.. lied a craving for popularity n a lovers worth..
I didnt know you were jumping in relationships.. from man to man..
Searching for love n acceptence.. or sumthing you didnt understand..
You went from him to him.. one bad insident to another..
Fights within yer family occured.. shattering words
... from your mother, father, sisters, and brothers..
You didnt know what to do.. you just fled the grim frowns..
Trying to forget their slander.. you choked the medicine down..
Now your with HIM.. the man of sin, clowding all yer thoughts..
His darkened eyes from sleepless nites.. surrounding u alot..
Spitting his venom.. from his rezin stained lips..
With cheek bones so visible you think hes sustained face lifts..
His scronny frame n dirty clothes.. matched with'a filthy cut..
And as yer body deceas.. all you can say is.. "hes built me up"..
"hes bin there thru the bad n good".. i hope so, cuz he should..
Cuz hes the one who brought the tsunamie that left yer life in floods..
What he calls a good time.. will only leave scars on yer arms..
Altho those can heal.. its whats real how it leaves yer heart harmed..
An reputation tarnished.. a 1-way ticket to cruelty n darkness..
Now yer living in crack houses.. n yer family wnt visit yer apartments..
I havnt seen you in 3 years.. and my hearts heavy since yer death..
livin deceased.. n dead to me since u exhaled the crack in'ur breathe..
Im writing you cuz my end is near.. n u were a dear friend for years..
Some1 whos shoulder was always supportive when i shedded tears..
But now my sickness has grown.. an i can finally comprehend you..
Ur demons like mine are tru.. i understand.. n dnt hav to pretend to..
So please read my last thoughts with kindness.. n full hearted love..
An when u look to the sky.. my spirits parched on the back of a dove..
And thank you.. just writing you has made me no longer fear the end..

Sincerly,
Your Forgotten Friend.
.
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Elementality
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Rebecca.. **Keystyle**   Fri 14 Nov 2008, 4:15 am

this was a deep piece. I liked the topic and stuff like that. The only thing that seemed off was, multies - interior ones, and an odd exterior rhyme scheme at times. But other then that, it was consistent.
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Kris Kokain
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Rebecca.. **Keystyle**   Fri 14 Nov 2008, 7:24 am

thank you.. yah i wasnt tryin to focus on'um.. jus tryin to keep'um there for elements..
....i havnt written a topical in lik 1-2yrs.. so imma only get betta..
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Madeye
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PostSubject: ...   Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:08 pm

Damn, Kris... that hit home, man.
I got some Famz in my family that've used for years...
I've grown to love them even though they do what they do...
I mean, I've been' there... just knew it wasn't where I wanted to be.
They just haven't felt that way [yet].

I can feel the emotion in this a lot...
conveyance was bang on... I understood you through the entire piece...
I woke up this morning feeling cold inside ... and this read
right hrere actually brought in some warmth... thanx, Fam.

Aside from ANY critique I would give this... which would consist of
a few lines at least... I was way more into the content...
Memz' ain't gotta have all the fancy werdplays and punches to
actually reach somebody in they material - and this def~ shows that, imo...

Rhymes felt natural through the whole thing as I read...
Opener was dope, brought me in and set the mood... good shit.
Not 1 inconsistency, imo... this was tight for content, homie.
There was this transfer:

~ Critique ~
Quote :
You went from him to him.. one bad insident to another..
Fights within yer family occured.. shattering words
... from your mother, father, sisters, and brothers..
You didnt know what to do.. you just fled the grim frowns..
Trying to forget their slander.. you choked the medicine down..
...that I had to read twice to catch... but it werked out I guess...

This is by far the dopest piece I've seen from you - fuck all them punches
and shit in battles that wow Famz... this was solid content, man... and this
type'uh material means more to me, as a writer, than any other tech'...

Ya' feel me?

Nice drop, Fam... I def~ felt it.

One ['1]
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Kris Kokain
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Rebecca.. **Keystyle**   Fri 14 Nov 2008, 11:51 pm

thank you.. i keyd this ish.. took awhile but still did it.. yah to me sum of the lines were rushed n shit... so it coulda bin longer if i thot it out more... yah feel.. but it coulda bin better imo., but im still happy wit it..
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Madeye
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Rebecca.. **Keystyle**   Sat 15 Nov 2008, 1:31 am

Neutral
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