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 Halls Of Redemption

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DiReCt HiT
Fresh Meat
Fresh Meat

Number of posts : 30
Age : 29
Location : Jacksonville
Mood : High as Fuck
Points : 0
Registration date : 2008-11-08

Battle Record
Wins: 1
KO Wins: 0
Losses: 0

PostSubject: Halls Of Redemption   Sat 15 Nov 2008, 3:21 am

this was a topical picture battleKinda quick write and only limited me to 18 bars so here enjoy. p.s~ALL FEED GIVIN WILL BE RETURNED.

Chad sits and leans on the rough graphitti walls of jacksonville
Where Crips and fiends Linger and the needy people Half to kill
One of his boys injects a needle right into his damaged forearm
"you want some chad?" he shakes no whos managed no harm
A kid who pushes crippin, but chad shows great mental clarity
Who uses the wealth on rent and the rest? donates it to charity
As chad takes anothor hit and thinks.. as he begins to layback
Seeing his mom cook as he listens to slick rick on his A-Track
Chad comes back to reality anagerd as he throws his blunt down
"im not gonna waste my life" as he blows and starts his hunt now
"im gonna be successful and pay it all back to my Home Town"
He walks into daylight starting his new life but on his own now
He begins to evolve into an emcee and starts to make mixtapes
Working to elevate thinking about how much will his spits make
The CD was a success!! and chad started to count his money
He called his boys they started to laugh.. was it really this funny?
He sits back and wonders.....
"i am giving this to me and the rest will be for cleaning ghettos
as he gets back to jacksonville not knowing theres schemeing fellos
Chad seeming mellow he walks down back to his post up spot
Even when he was a little kid,he was being mj and throw up shots
Little did chad know... a group of guys were waiting for prey
as they creep up on chad.. as the group were aiming to slay
The group screams out "A.B MOTHERFUCKER!" and Shoots chad
chad drops, seeing them beat him up the funnest the groups have
they were toying with him as the group takes more meth hits
the group leader tells them to stop and give chad a death wish
"bitch nigga whats your final request before i crack ya will?"
chad whispers "donate this money to the ghettos of jacksonville"
thats were the leader stops...... and begins reconzie chads face
it was chads homies! the only people for chad that had faith
They let him go as chad starts to crawl to the new daylight
he sees his mom and slick rick knowing he ended his way right
He rolls over and ascends into heaven, where his soul rests
his homies grant his wish, changed men who passed old tests
They are now against drugs and open up the arms foundation
but could it be dedication to chad? or was it a reincarnation??

ok i gotta stop there but ill enlightend you a bit.

My reincarnation theory was saint chad, who died by his disicples who were blind and saint chad donated all his jewlery and wealth to the poor. chad n chad? eh?
what else... well if you dont get something ask me.

good luck.
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Number of posts : 496
Age : 42
Location : Here and now.
Mood : Predatorial
Points : 1
Registration date : 2008-10-24

Battle Record
Wins: 4
KO Wins: 2
Losses: 1

PostSubject: ...   Sat 15 Nov 2008, 4:26 am

Man, that was topical fire... the flow was good, Fam.

The story lead was vivid and descriptive... got a good handle on that, I see.
Ha: a time, a place, a plot, a moral... Shocked ...shit, dude... this was tight.

Vocab and mutlies were aiight... more inner multies would'uh tightened shit up
even more - but this was good skill, as is. I wanted to start this "Image" battleing
in HGR too... just haven't had any response from the population on it.

Anyway... back to feeding...

I sat and stared at this pick for at least a full minute before I read your drop...
getting a basis of what I saw init... and then read your material.
Shit, man... I could picture the entire thing happeneing... like he passes through
this tunnel and out in the light these things start happening. Excellent drop, D.
The overall metaphor for the light was a good angle. *props*


9.3 / 10

One ['1]
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Kris Kokain

Number of posts : 394
Age : 30
Location : Kingston, ON., Canada
Mood : Carnivorous
Points : 0
Registration date : 2008-11-04

Battle Record
Wins: 3
KO Wins: 2
Losses: 1

PostSubject: Re: Halls Of Redemption   Sat 15 Nov 2008, 6:17 am

yo... D.. this was dope man.. i enjoy readin all yer stuff.. kinda makes me feel like writing yah know.. lol.. makes me wana get down wit sum descriptive shit.. its a shame it was limited tho.. i could see some madd shit goin on if it was just written .. not fer battle er w/e..
structure was good... sum real good escriptive material here.. the message was good.. over - all a dope verse..
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