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 Tried to write a verse on English

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Serega
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PostSubject: Tried to write a verse on English   Thu 15 Jan 2009, 9:11 pm

I have no accounts in Swiss bank
I do not understand in electronics or Crank
This is my hard, this is my life
i am not namber one, i am not namber five

This is the road of life that I can walk or run
It is a world that covers the sun
The morning light sunrise, the moon shines at night
Looking around, I think that not allright...

I would be happy to hear your opinion study
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Madeye
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PostSubject: Re: Tried to write a verse on English   Tue 20 Jan 2009, 2:25 am

Definitley more of a "poetic" type feel to it.
Not really much HipHop feel to this bit, as short as it was, but...
I'm sure you've got more in the werks.

Metaphors need some werk, as well as adding in some clever
concepts and swagger.... but...
Keep at it, and find your own unique style as you carry on.
Jus' takes time, Fam.

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east renegade
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PostSubject: Re: Tried to write a verse on English   Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:18 pm

it probly sounds better in russian n works out better, but in english, it seems to simple, but like mad said, i feel the poetic side to it
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